bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize