I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize