i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Sext me about skeletons
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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