My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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