How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
