My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
