I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
