I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
