I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
then he tried to convert me to islam
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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