I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
as a side note pls kill me
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
