I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
only if we run a train.
done.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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