im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
