I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
