Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
