You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
