Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
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