the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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