1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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