Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
