Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
