But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
