Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
