This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
