he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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