If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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