I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My dick has a subreddit
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
