Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
