Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
