so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
