last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
