one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
