Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
