i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
