I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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