Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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