Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize