Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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