Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
