you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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