Already got asked if we're dating
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
