You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
