we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
