I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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