Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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