My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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