I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
