...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
