I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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