i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize
