this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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