Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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