You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
