You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
