3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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