I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
