I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
