Kareoke will never be a sober sport
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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