I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
