He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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