Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Randomize