we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
