I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I want to fling myself into the sun
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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