and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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