Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize