can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
North Korea, Best Korea!
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
