I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
