So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
