Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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