look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Liz is crying about burritos again.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
