Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
