my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
