Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
